Has the loving behavior that allured you and your mate to each other, suddenly come to a screeching halt?
Has the loving behavior that allured you and your mate to each other, suddenly come to a screeching halt? You may be involved in a “bait and switch relationship.” A bait and switch is often not intentional. During the early stages of your relationships your mate may have practically walked on water in your eyes. Even their quirky little habits were kinda’ cute and gave you a humorous topic to laugh about with your friends. You were aware they were not perfect, but you saw them as perfect for you.
Your mate was also very aware that they are not perfect. In fact, chances are good that at some point someone had not only pointed out their flaws, but had walked out of their life as a result of them. Then came you. You were different. You were that person who seemed to love them in spite of their defects. You were safe and non-rejecting. The admiration your mate saw when they looked into your eyes was their own personal drug.
That was the bait, but happens when there is a switch? In 3-6 months, the love boosters of oxytocin, vasopressin, serotonin and adrenaline that are released in your system when new relationships happen, leaves you all by yourself to learn to love your mate without them. This is often the beginning of the switch. This can be the point in which criticism replaces compliments, pessimism replaces hope, rude replaces respect, and neglect replaces undivided attention. Mates feel betrayed because their drug of acceptance is gone and they long for their next fix.
It feels like a bait and switch when never-ending criticism replaces heartwarming compliments.
Solution:
In order to sustain love, you must practice R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Respect is not optional, it’s everything! Respect means that your mate is free to feel differently about something without you seeing it as a personal affront. Respect means that you don’t try to control, intimidate or manipulate them in order to get what you want. Respect means you give up your rights to be a faultfinder. Respect means that you don’t try and create a “mini me” out of your mate. Respect means you don’t attempt to shape your mate into something they never have been and never intended to be. Respect means you aggressively address your own issues and remain humble in the growth process. Respect means that you make yourself a safe place and not a minefield of emotions.
Always practice behavior that attracts and realize that rejection repels your mate from you. If you want to experience a healthy loving relationship that lasts for a lifetime, be the never-ending bait and resist being the switch.
